Jock of Gold

I LOVE EBAY! In the spring of 2000 I was able to purchase, for $1643, Vernon Wells’ jockstrap. I know what you’re thinking, who would pay that kind of money for a jock? The answer: Yours Truly!

There are 2 reasons why I bought it:

1) it was Vernon Wells’ jock, and Vernon Wells is the best thing to happen to baseball since Nolan Ryan beat the **** out of Robin Ventura.

2) This particular jock happened to be dipped in genuine 14 karat gold my friends, GOLD!!!! It’s probably worth triple what I paid for it, not that I would ever sell it, ever.

The bidding was pretty intense but when you’re in a bid battle with FUNKYJAYSFAN47 you’ve just got to take it one bid at a time. Hopefully, good lord willing, things will work out, and in this case they certainly did! Detailed below is a song I wrote in honor of the most awesome jock ever, in the history of jocks.

Go JAYS! VOTE VERNON! VOTE OFTEN!

Jock of Gold

(Heart of gold by Neil Young)

I want to live,
I want to give
I’ve been a searcher
for a jock of  gold.
It’s all star ballots
for Vernon Wells
That keep me showing
off this jock of gold
And its growing mold.
Keeps me showing
this here jock of gold
And its growing mold.

I’ve been to Dunedin
I’ve been to triple a
I crossed the ocean
for a jock of  gold
Vernon is real kind,
I built him this shrine
That keeps me showing
off this jock of  gold
And It’s growing mold.
Keeps me showing
off this jock of gold
And It’s growing mold.

Keep me showing
off this jock of gold
I keep on showing
off this jock of gold
And It’s growing mold.
I’ve been a searcher
for a jock of gold.

Jock_of_gold

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